Anger is a powerful emotion that can cause untold destruction if it continues unchecked. Just like a forest fire, which destroys towering trees, houses, and lives in its path, so it is with anger which gets out of control.
So if you are wondering how to control anger in a relationship or how to deal with an angry spouse, then read on.
Ways that can be helpful when you are dealing with an angry partner:
1. Do keep calm
Want to learn the secret of how to deal with an angry husband or how to deal with an angry wife? It’s simple – maintain your calm and composure.
Admittedly this may not be easy to do, especially when your angry spouse is lashing out at you, but the calmer you can remain, the quicker your partner will get over his or her outburst.
Keeping calm is a temporary strategy to use in the heat of the moment. Nothing good will be achieved if you are both screaming at each other.
Then when the partner has calmed down, you will be able to address the matter in a more constructive manner.
2. Do think about your own behavior
This is where you need to be brutally honest with yourself. Is there anything that you are doing or not doing, which provokes or worsens your partner’s anger?
The natural tendency of angry partners is to blame you or someone else for their outbursts, so you need to be very careful here not to absorb all the blame they so willingly offload.
Remember, you are responsible only for your own actions, not theirs. If you have something to apologize for or to make adjustments in your behavior, then do so and move on.
3. Don’t become co-dependent
Do you ever find yourself covering up for your angry partner?
If you are living with an angry husband and they have mouthed off and offended one of your friends or family members, do you quietly go to the person afterward and ‘explain’ why your partner didn’t really mean what they said and that they are really not that bad?
If you keep on doing this kind of thing, your partner will not be able to learn to take the full brunt of the consequences caused by their anger in marriage.
4. Do establish boundaries
When you have anger in relationships or have an angry partner, it is very important that you establish some firm boundaries. Dealing with anger starts by:
deciding how much of your partner’s anger you are willing to tolerate and what you will not allow, informing your partner accordingly and, being prepared to defend and maintain that boundary line.
Boundaries are a great way to deal with a negative spouse and recognizing that all relationships require mutual respect in order to flourish.
Remember, boundaries are not a selfish way of life; rather, boundaries build and preserve healthy relationships.
5. Do know when to walk away
If your angry partner acknowledges that they have a problem and they are willing to get help and work on their anger issues, then there is hope, like a light at the end of a dark tunnel.
However, if there is no acknowledgment of any wrongdoing or a superficial apology with no real change or effort to change, then you need to make some difficult decisions.
Ask yourself whether you can carry on indefinitely with no change, except perhaps a change for the worse as anger tends to intensify over time if not effectively dealt with. If your answer is no, then it may be time for you to walk away.
6. Don’t forget who you are
One of the grave dangers of having an angry partner is that you too become an angry person. After all, anger can be quite contagious. Always stay true to yourself and the person that you know you are.
Your partner’s anger is theirs to deal with – not yours to take on board. As you consistently and patiently express your emotions in a mature and healthy way, you will help your partner learn to do the same.